Friday, August 18, 2006

calling dr. dre & ed lover

There are a lot of people we look up to in this world and class as superstars, famous and even infamous. We forget that they are human beings like us, born of man and woman just like the rest of us but yet, we treat them like demigods, just because they dared to be different. Believe it or not, that could be any of us on any given Sunday. However, since we all can’t (rather, refuse to) be superstars, I was wondering and chose to seek the opinion of the people on a vital issue. Of these demigods, who’s the boss? In popularity, significance etc. Ever thought about it? I mean really thought about it? They are in essence, the icons of our time. I have created a shortlist but would more than welcome your insight and GOD in any form does not count as he made us all, plus it would be utterly disrespectful to count HIM amongst mere mortals who have nasty habits. Yuck!

So with all this in mind people, go right ahead and read through my selections (in no particular order mind you) and comment, criticize, crucify, commend, educate or hate as you please but do join me; help me in deciding:

Who’s The Man?

Michael Jackson (middle name: Joseph)
I don’t really feel any explanation is necessary here. He ruled the world in the 80s and we can’t seem to stop talking about him regardless of how crazy we might all think he is. If you wanna claim that this Dangerous, Bad Thriller never Rocked Your World, just Beat It!!!

Honorable mention: Janet Jackson, Diana Ross, Lionel Richie, Whitney Houston, R. Kelly (R. for Robert)

Pele (given name: Edson Arantes do Nascimento)
If an entire country pauses a civil war for 48hrs just to watch you kick a ball, then you must be somebody. Nuff said!

Honorable mention: Franz Beckenbaur, Ronaldinho, Ronaldo, Roberto Baggio, Michel Platini

Diego Maradona (middle name: Armando)
The reason I wrote this thing in the first place. I watched a documentary on him last weekend and he spoke on how he isn’t touted as the greatest ever because of his “extra-curricular” activities; and it was funny how he said “because I don’t wear a tie.” It also said only two men are considered to have ever won the World Cup single handedly – Garincha of Brazil in 1958 and Maradona in 1986.

Bob Marley (RIP) (given name: Robert Nestor Marley)
Iron. Like a Lion. In Zion.

Bruce Lee (RIP)
How do you spell – waataaaah!

Honorable mention: Jackie Chan

Elvis Presley (RIP)
He lived way before my time but the fact that you just can’t get away from dude! Most impersonated person on the planet counts for something and heck, I like his music. He made rock n roll his!

Honorable Mention: Jimmy Hendrix

The Beatles (John Lennon (RIP), Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr & George Harrison)
Many seem to forget that this was a quartet of English boys who conquered the world with bubblegum pop. English boys!

Honorable mention: Backstreet Boys

Malcolm X (RIP)
X marks the spot.

Martin Luther King Jr. (RIP)
When Jay-Z rapped: “I’m comfortable dawg/Brooklyn to Rome/or any Martin Luther…” it was in reference to the fact that there is a Martin Luther King Boulevard everywhere!

Nelson Mandela
Men go to jail and can't find jobs when they are released. He became the President. Big up yaself Madiba!

Muhammad Ali (given name: Cassius Clay)
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee? Rumble in the Jungle? A dude called G.O.A.T. but has MAD respect? Do you understand the words coming out my… fingers?

Honorable mention: Rocky Marciano (RIP)

Frank Sinatra (RIP)
Old blue eyes did it his way and we loved him for it.

Pope John Paul II (RIP)
The Pope will always be world famous but JP Deuce was special. No disrespect to Benedict XVI and all the others but there will only be one Don P!

Michael Jordan (middle name: Jeffrey)
The most significant words in sporting history? “With the 3rd pick, in the 1984 NBA Draft, the Chicago Bulls pick, Michael Jordan out of North Carolina.” Arguably. The man defied gravity and human understanding as he revolutionized professional sports entertainment and changed it forever. The most exciting words in sports history? “And now, at guard, 6’6”, from North Carolina, Michael Jordan.” Possibly.

Honorable mention: Shaquille O’Neal, Carl Lewis, Florence Griffith-Joyner (RIP), Michael Schumacher

Magic Johnson
No, his parents did not name him Magic. They christened their son Earvin. He didn’t pull rabbits out of hats but he made seven footers appear invisible. Apparently overcame HIV… now that’s a magic Johnson!

Tiger Woods
Golf used to be a game for rich white pensioners. You know the rest.

Honorable mention: Venus & Serena Williams

Mike Tyson
The roughest, toughest SOB out there. Fighting or biting. Youngest Heavyweight champion ever.

Quincy Jones
He was the main brain behind “We Are The World” and set one Wacko Jacko off into the world as the King of Pop! Must count for something, no?

Honorable mention: Ray Charles (given name: Ray Charles Robinson) (RIP), Stevie Wonder (given name: Stevland Judkins), Sir Elton John

Oprah Winfrey
A single black female that can talk to whoever she wants, say whatever she wants, go wherever she wants, buy whatever she wants? What more do you want? Especially if the world has you on singular name basis?

Honorable mention: Bill Cosby

Madonna (given name: Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone)
“You know that we are living, in a material world and I am a material girl.” Honesty is the best policy. The living, breathing poster child for not giving a kcuf!

Honorable mention: Britney Spears, Robbie Williams

David Beckham
The best right foot in the world! In the annals of fame, however, his football career is secondary.

Hulk Hogan (given name: Terry Bollea)
“I am a real American. Fight for the rights of everyman!” “So what you gonna do… when Hulkamania runs wild on you?” Larger than life superstar that had us all loving wrestling, even after we found out it was fake!

Clint Eastwood
The original tough talking, slow walking, gun slinging, tobacco chewing, world's meanest SOB. How the west was really won.

John Wayne (RIP)
The blueprint on Real American Heroism. Yee Haw!

Eminem (given name: Marshall Mathers)
The Elvis of rap. Took black people’s music and did it better than 98% of them. “’Cause I am, whatever you say I am, ‘cause if I wasn’t, why would I say I am?”

Honorable mention: 50 Cent (as much as I hate to admit it) (given name: Ms. Curtis Jackson)

2Pac (given name: Tupac Amaru Shakur) (RIP)
The voice of a generation.

Honorable mention: Snoop Dogg (given name: Calvin Broadus)

The Notorious B.I.G. (given name: Christopher Wallace) (RIP)
The Greatest Rapper of All Time and off of only two albums. However, after careful debate (with self), he makes this list because he will be forever associated with 2Pac. That’s just me being real!

Honorable mention: Jay-Z (given name: Shawn Carter)

Bill Gates
Money makes the world go round. He has the most. Next!

Honorable mention: Donald Trump

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Young Arnie’s to-do list:
- Become Mr. Universe √
- Become a famous actor √
- Become President of the United States of America – Well, he is the Governator of California. Not bad fo a farm boy from Austria, eh?

Honorable mention: Sylvester Stallone

Elizabeth Taylor
The original superstar diva and chronic bride.

Marilyn Monroe (RIP)
Short white dress + Air vent + D-Train = the original sex symbol.

John F. Kennedy (JFK) (RIP)
The original superstar President.

Bill Clinton
“I did not have sexual relations with Ms. Lewinsky.”

Monica Lewinsky
Author of How to blow (your) job. Obviously just kidding before you googlers get to googling!

Ronald Reagan
I just like dude and as an American President, instantly famous and important!

The Windsors
English Royal Family for those who are not in the know. From Mama Lizzie to Charlie to Lady Di (who died apparently) to Willy Willy to ‘arry (might as well be Potter). Oh, you know about Papa Duke? Mama Charlie’s husband? Or he doesn’t count?

Margaret Thatcher
No nonsense female PM of England. Home of the pound sterling. World’s strongest currency. The reason Nigerian’s need visas to enter the UK. Some twat rubbed her the wrong way.

Spice Girls (Geri “Ginger” Halliwell, Melanie “Scary/Crazy/Mel B” Brown (one time Melanie “Scary/Crazy/Mel G” Gulzar), Melanie “Sporty” Chisholm, Victoria “Posh” Beckham (nee Adams) & Emma “Baby” Bunton)
Admit it. You know all the words to Wannabe and sing along. Possibly the world’s most successful gimmick ever. GIRL POWER!

Fela Anikulapo-Kuti (RIP)
Genius. I don’t know what else to say?

Idi Amin
“You call Ugandan money shit money? Malamingu, take him outside and show him what we do to shit.” Possibly Tyson’s inspiration for ear chomping.

Honorable mention: Muammar Gaddafi

Fidel Castro
Cubano Mafioso.

George Bush
Operation Desert Storm.

George W. Bush
Original King of Comedy.

Saddam Hussein
Weapon of mass destruction.

Osama bin Laden
Planet Earth’s most wanted. Do we have a winner perhaps?

Well folks, that’s my take. What do you think? Here’s my back… feel free to pat it or stab it. Also, not all the notes underneath the names are descriptive because I believe everyone should know them anyway, hence their inclusion. The honorable mentions are those people I feel have done or are doing their thing but are not quite as awe-inspiring as the others. Agree? Now this is the part where you do your thang thang.

Out like (visible) military rule in Nigeria. The index and the middle!


Blogger Mona said...

HHISSS i agree with 85% but whats with monica lewinsky (fatty), spice girls and the windsors?

1:01 PM  
Blogger Don Chi as Blog Marley a.k.a. El Senor Supremo said...

@ mona:
the united states president is often regarded as the most powerful man in the world. by getting on her knees, she almost brought him down to his. now you have to give her props for that. she is one of the world's most infamous women.
honey love, hate it or love it, those crude, hardly talented ladies did their thing and gangsta'd the whole world in the process. the world was once OD-ing on girl power for real!
The Royal Family. yes they are boring now (always were really) but once upon a time, that's all you heard out of Blighty! HELLO Magazine couldn't get enough of 'em!

1:27 PM  
Blogger Mona said...


2:05 PM  
Anonymous ZZa said...

mona dont hate on the spice girls :)
chichi...Jimi Hendrix was the man...who da heck is elvis
and how could u forget big pimpin Liz Taylor

4:24 PM  
Anonymous ZZa said...

i take the last comment back...i stand corrected

4:25 PM  
Blogger Don Chi as Blog Marley a.k.a. El Senor Supremo said...

like you knew i was abouta come @cha for the liz thing :)
help me tell mona o!
and in the same vein, don't hate on elvis! dude was god to millions. my thing with Jimmy is, I'm not sure if the whole world was up on Jimi like that! But like I said, all opinions are really welcome cuz we all need to be edjumacated!

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