the tribal dance II

I know I have left this hanging in the balance longer than is necessary and for this, I apologize. Funny thing is; this follow up is probably not what you’ve been expecting. There isn’t much left to the tale really, only the issues raised by it have me continuing on. Like I said, I was rather irritated by the whole thing, which is why I stopped in the first place. I figured if I gave it a while, it would blow over and I’d be cool. Unfortunately, each time I think about it or it is brought up by someone else, my anger just resurfaces. However, this anger has been replaced by pity. I really do feel sorry for her. Honestly. I will come back to that eventually but first, I must get into character and present to you:

The Beast from the East!

Ok, where were we? Right; being Igbo. Yes, she said to me that my shortcoming (we will call it that for now) was being Igbo. I was watching an important (to me anyway) NBA Playoff game, thus my attention was divided and I refused to be upset by anything other than LeBron James’ disappearing act when it mattered most. Irrelevant but I’m a ranter - deal with it! Anyway, the statement did register but unfortunately, responses did not follow immediately because of my preoccupation with the game.

As the story goes, I was truly taken aback by her response. Even Spiderman’s sixth sense couldn’t have seen that one coming. Not her. No. She can’t be like that, can she? Oh my… how dreadfully upsetting; word to Jafar! I was rather gobsmacked but kept my composure as she went on to defend herself.

“I know it sounds crazy,” she said. Ya damn skippy it sounds crazy missy! “But it’s my parents.” Your parents? How’d they get involved in this? “I know they would not approve and that’s just the truth.” Truth hurts, eh? (Just ask the artist – she got dropped from Aftermath… HARD)! “Not like we’re getting married or anything.” Bet yo bottom dollar we ain’t. “But they just think it’s a waste of time, at my age (then 25, maybe older now, this sequel is long overdue you know, kinda like Basic Instinct 2 but hopefully better) dating someone I won’t end up marrying.” We done jumped from talking to dating to marrying to breaking up/divorcing in all of 30 seconds? Damn she fast! “I know you are more Yoruba than Igbo and all that but you are still Igbo and… it just sucks, really.” Wow. Uh, ok. Well, nobody said we have to date (I am still a guy you know) so… “And I will not do under-G!’’ Yes ma’am! Ok, this is… I don’t even know what to call it but… OH LEBRON YOU GIT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!? Sorry ma. Anyway, I hope you know this is going to make things rather odd between us and talking/hanging will be rather difficult (we have only seen twice since then and exchanged ‘hi’s’ once). “Oh Chinedu, stop being so over dramatic!”

OH, HELL NAW! Over dramatic you say? Right! “Um, maybe I should leave you to watch your game and we’ll talk later.” Best thing you’ve said all night ma.

And that’s how it went down. I was dumbfounded but Cleveland was throwing away a golden opportunity to register one of the greatest upsets in sports history. I’m not serious myself. Worrying about a multimillion dollar earning kid instead of taking what had just happened into account. For what it is worth, each to his own, right? She has every reason to take whatever stance she wants to, regardless of what anybody else says. However, that seems to be the problem here – she is going on what somebody else has said! I know these are her parents we are talking about here but you need to draw the line at some point or forever be under their influence, right? Yes, living under their roof you need to follow their rules and stuff, however, if you continue to succumb and go ‘yes sir, yes ma’am’ like clockwork, you may just find yourself under that roof for longer than is socially acceptable. This is, of course, only if your wishes don’t fall in line with their “instructions.” I have to go back to my cousin Dikko from part one on this issue.

See, he was dating this Yoruba chick (remember he’s the All-Nigerian guy with four types of Naija in him), real nice girl that everyone loved and got along with. However, the only snag was that her parents weren’t exactly with it and it put a huge strain on her relationship with both her boyfriend and her parents. I commend her because she put her foot down and fought her parents on the issue, arguing that their attitude nullified her foreign adventure of education and self expansion if she was brought back only to adhere to some traditional musings. Her parents were just not too excited that their only daughter would bear an Igbo last name. However, my good man felt that at his age (he’s in his 30s), he couldn’t be dealing with such issues where he knew he wasn’t welcome in his girlfriend’s home, so he had to call it off. It was an emotional period but it had to happen. Everyone has since moved on and they are both happily dating (both Yoruba partners) people it appears, by GOD’s grace, they will end up marrying.

So I can just imagine how he felt when I text him the news later that evening. He called me back so upset and didn’t even know what to say. It is that frustrating. He really took it personally, on my behalf, to the extent that he sent me the following texts out of the blue while I was at work the next morning:

Dude just thought about what you told me yday,be proud of your igbo heritage & fuck anyone that doesn’t accept you.You’re far better than them.Laters mate.

and

Dude,i’m sick & tired of being treated like we got a disease cos we igbo.No more excuses,i’m Igbo and proud!So should you be my lil brother.It’s all good.

Those messages picked me up that day but also put me deep in thought and that is when I became grateful to this lady. She had helped me realize that my truth in jest about my heritage was not the way to go. Regardless of where my lineage may come from, I should be proud. However, I have never denounced (as in really given it the middle finger) my Igbo roots. That has been done for me by “real” Igbo people who take pride in calling me fake or an “ngbatigbati” boy. It has been an issue all my life as yo where I fit in. Igbo people say I am not one of them because I do not speak the language; Yoruba people say I am not one of them because my name is Chinedu Iroche.

With that in mind, her statement was not new to me. What was weird was that a very bright, smart, interesting individual could say that. My ears, ego and sanity would have preferred if she danced around it or straight up lied even but my soul is alleviated because she told me the truth and I thank her for it. Honestly. So my stance now or rather my question would be: how can I get mad now if a white man should call me a nigger? I did not say nigga, mind you – nigger! I ask this because this is on the level of race now. It is termed as a racist comment or racial taunt/slur. So how can I even try to tackle a racial issue when I cannot even ascend to the level of dealing amongst my race because I cannot get across tribal divides? I will tell the white man to wait in line for a few hundred years and hopefully, the tribalistic mentality that is suffocating my country would have been sorted by then, at which point I can now get back to him an kick his ignorant ass – walking stick and all!

It pisses me off on the daily to hear petty tribal issues being escalated because of the world’s most dangerous disease – ignorance. The current political climate makes me sick to my stomach when I hear statements about it being the turn of this region or that region. All I have to say to that (forgive me blog heads) is FUCK YOU & YOUR TURN! How about it’s the turn of someone ready to make a change? How about it’s the turn of someone that actually gives a damn? If he comes from Afghanistan and can do the job, put that man in the Villa pronto and fuck you and your turn just in case you missed it first time out!

This is the reason I left this blog unfinished for so long because I hate the place it takes me to. People may say I am taking it too seriously but it is a bloody serious issue. Race, creed or color, yes have to be taken into account, but are not valid reasons for discrimination. If you are not ready to live with and accept every type of human being, I learnt a new planet was discovered recently, so get the fuck off mine! Be a human being first and everything else follows. Embrace your heritage but respect others’. If a Muslim Hausa girl possesses everything I have ever looked for in a woman and she loves me just as I love her, why can’t we be together? Yes I know there are a lot of things to be taken into consideration but that is what life is about – complications! We go through these things to make us stronger and build character – it is what many like to call growth.

I have said enough and hope that underneath all my anger, I have been able to make sense. I just revisited some unhappy memories I could have done without in these trying times I am going through right now but like I said complications-character building-growth. That’s the way I’m living.

So thank you madam, you know who you are, for making me realize that I was holding myself back for no apparent reason. I really appreciate it and hope you can come to see people for who they are and be brave enough to fight the power that be a la Public Enemy. For what it’s worth though, you should have hit me with the “I love you like a brother” line that every other chick has thrown my way, at least that way we would still be friends. I hope that we can still be but knowing what I know, it will be a struggle. I have forgiven but I will never forget. That’s just the way it is.

My name is Chinedu Oluwayomi Iroche and I am a human being. To know me is to love me.

Good night.


Some work to what they believe is the best of their ability because they are working to the best of their knowledge. Ignorance is bliss but also carries death's kiss.
- Chinedu Oluwayomi IROCHE, 2006